Thursday, August 28, 2014

Tikvah Marie Nelson

I've been wondering how I would put this blog into words without sounding horrible.
So...Excuse me as I type out my thoughts and if you get mad, feel free to unfollow.

When we found out I was pregnant, I was roughly 5-6 weeks along and at 7-8 weeks we lost the baby.
 As I've said before there isn't a ton of information you can find online about this, they try their best to be P.C about it so the poor woman actually going through it and googling frantically for symptoms can't accurately tell if she's having a miscarriage without going to the Dr.
Dr's scamming Americans since day 1.

This was obviously heartbreaking, scary and confusing.  The frustrating lack of information was eating away at me, the confusion as to why this happened to me and the sadness that went along with it.
I'm the kind of person that wants to know why, how, why, when, and...WHY this happens to people.
That information is unfortunately 'non-exsistent'.
It was harder for me than I let on, I avoided talking about it and dealing with it.
The 'coping' methods that are offered are 'writing a letter to your lost baby', 'naming your lost baby', 'lighting a candle for your lost baby', etc etc.
The emotional pain of losing a baby you had hoped and prayed for, for over a year isn't going to be solved by any of the things listed above. As a mother I became instantly attached to the growing life inside of me, but I didn't know this baby and I know this baby can't read any letter I write, or see any candle that was lit for them. This baby is happily, safely in the arms of someone greater than me. And none of these things would reassure this 'lost baby' or help me.

After a rough 3 months, we found out I was pregnant again. Obviously we were happy and even tho we were overjoyed, I couldn't help but have fear in my mind regarding the outcome of this pregnancy.
After weeks of blood tests and ultrasounds it was confirmed this babe was the one we were waiting for.

Almost immediately after confirming the pregnancy being the one, the prophetic and confirming words were being spoken over her.
The joy and delight of this little baby coming earthside was so exciting to anticipate, so preparation began to make room for this little babe.
We chose the name Tikvah meaning Hope in Hebrew, mainly because we liked it. But throughout the pregnancy we started to see real meaning behind her name.
She is bringing Hope to the hopeless, Hope for the bitterness, Hope for her generation.

She was born August 1st at 10:29am, after 7 hours of being in labor, she was delivered at home in a birth tub with little to no assistance. It was perfect, almost painless, easy, relaxing homebirth.
Tikvah Marie Nelson 8/01/14 7lb 3oz 19in

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